They Say

“If you were me, could you defend the given rights to all of man?”

(edit: March 6, 2014:

if you read this page or maybe not, that means you agree that you are reading this on your own free will. this is a PERSONAL story, true events, no holds barred. i will censor all the names again by my own preference, since you brave enough to take this old post i shared with a closed group and share outside of it, but no balls and tits to even remotely tell me i should censor them.

you can think whatever you want on your social media, i can think whatever i want. this is NOT a made-up story, or finding who is the victim, or to tarnish anyone’s reputation, be it your parents, your siblings, relatives, friends.

why you post it publicly?
– so that if i die, someone bound to get this page if i forgot to let them know. can you imagine not knowing ever? yes. ah okay.

why do you hate Dr S. and Dr. K?
– i don’t. but they would re-think how they treated me and others, should they remember me

why you hate the gomen hospital so much?
– i don’t. but i won’t go deep on that. you seems smart to jump into that by yourself.

kau MUSTI orang jenis taknak vaksin, percaya google and wikipedier, anak mati..padan muka.
– OMG..sedap mulut. vaksin atau tak, itu hak parents. aku bawak anak aku vaksin, tak pernah miss. apa kejadah kau ni, anti google? sumpah tak pernah guna google ke? kalau orang cam kau jenis guna google mmg confirm ok tapi utk aku tak? come on.

why you close comments? you sked issit? sked kitty fatty boo boo
– I just found out about auto closed comment in setting. i dunnolah about blogging blogging ni. i am so dumb. then i found it. then i was like wheeeeee i clickkkk wheeee.


you are one selfish prick! may God(s) curse you into the nothingness and your child become stupid!
– i know. but that is not so religious of you to say that. would u like people to say that to you?

by reading this, I assume you read this as well.

read at your own risk. i risk myself everyday to just to live.)

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my birth plan

i worked hard for my birth plan. from all paragraphs, then in point forms, a check list, then how disappointed i was that Dr. K refused to even look through my birth plan (instead she suggested me to give it to ANY doctor available during the birth of my baby), i want to give, by far, the simplest version of the birth plan i could write.

i do not want to be discarded as another faceless mother-to-be that they had to grudgingly attend.

again, i am not hoping that they will follow it to the T, as that would only be a wishful thinking and they would just say “but…we are a government hospital!”, i would not give up hope.

i bet there are at least ONE wise and experienced doctor in HSB who have heard that there is an existence of  such thing, and he/she could be understanding enough to at least accommodate to some of the requests.

or else, in this short span of time, we are thinking of changing to another hospital as i might been seen as a nuisance and difficult just because i have opinions and not just being submissive.

a birth is supposed to be an enjoyable moment and not to be feared of.

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symphysis pubis dysfunction (SPD)

and these past few weeks, my pubic bone hurts like hell. can;t even toss and turn as much as i like. everytime i turn, there this “klik” sound on my my lower back. no, not that kind of the ‘krruup’ relieving sound it makes. climbing stairs is extra difficult, let alone got up and get inside the car.

looking about my symptoms. some said it’s normal (any ‘pain’ is normal la now?).

but one caught my eye: symphysis pubis dysfunction or SPD.

and the symptoms match, 99% to the T.

from NHS

the most detail about SPD i could find (yes, i am plus size, someone even think i got a ‘busung’.)

i did fell down the stairs and hurt my tail bone few months ago and i am still recovering.

pleaded with the ob-gyn through my birth plan that is seen ‘unusual’ in a govt hospital that i can’t do lithotomy, like this one:

lithotomy position from

because i sure hell did try on my own, and fuck, i can’t even squat because of my tail bone hurting.

with SPD, the position is not even recommended. but noooo, dr. k said ‘that is the only position available at hsb’.

*flips table*

i did vacuum and clean my house extra lot during my pregnancy. because i feel it is extra messy and it pisses me off.

and i push my own shopping cart…because bringing a basket wouldn’t make sense if you have tons of groceries now, would it?

i am torn between getting massively bored by resting at home, or walk around so i can give birth easy.