My baby is in NICU

From the previous post about me giving birth. it’s getting too “dinding perkataan” so I am breaking the stories into two parts.

Cause and Effect

Every action has its cause and effect, as I mentioned earlier.

I spent my hospital days from Sept 15 with no baby beside me.

Dr. S*H blamed it on my refusal on no episiotomy to hasten the process, which was why my baby inhaled meconium (baby’s poop) inside her.

“Thick, thick, thick,” she said to other nurse as my baby was cleaned outside the labour room.

I was unable to move as the anaesthetic paralyses me still but I was told by the nurses to move by myself.

Both of them just looked and did nothing, even after I explained I could not move my feet.

I asked for help because the maternity pad they made me wear are fully heavy from the blood that it stained a big chunk of the mattress. Like a normal expected tv script, I was told by the nurses to be patient while she continued talking to her colleague.

I was left alone by myself again. I was asked if I wanted to drink, but the nurse put the glass out of my reach.


I had two types of IV dripped inside me, one was saline and the other was pitocin (to shrink my uterus due to the excessive bleeding).

I found out that I was haemorrhaging with 600ml+ of blood out of me.

No blood was being given to replace that. And I was not sure if I should get one either. No one to explain.

I was being treated like I have a mental problem, the morning after. After I cried non-stop listening to other baby cries around me.

As if crying is a sin frowned upon and everyone is normal, prim and proper, except you.

A doctor named Iqbal came to me, wanted to take 2ml of my blood. I asked what for. And I believed he was taken aback by that.

Collecting whatever small amount of patience I have left, I then calmly explained to him my situation, and he in turn was not being defensive.

I told him how alone I felt. He assured me that I could go and see my baby in Newborn/NeoNatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) in a while.

That was early morning. And for a moment I felt a bit relieved that someone finally wanted to understand me, or at least showed a decency standing beside me long enough trying to understand me.

Close to noon, someone woke me up. It was Dr. S*H and her entourage.

“Do you feel this anxiety often? Do you panic often?” Dr. S*H asked me during her morning round.

Continue reading

Mental health

some things that i have observed:

  • some psychiatrists need to understand that people with anger problem, need not to be asked same countless questions all the time. so, only attend to a patient after you have read her/his case file. not during. you don’t want to wait, so neither the one who you are attending to.
  • never, never never NEVER talk over someone with a problem with a mental health. even how expert you are, how busy you are, how harmless the case might be. the patient would not be open enough to say anything, the same goes with bringing your phone along.  we don’t answer our phone during a session, now why should you?
  • try not to suggest a word to them, then when they use YOUR word, you ask cheekily ‘whoah, that is interesting that you mentioned that. may i know why?’. it is annoying and power of suggestion does not work in this context.
  • try to stay away from asking ‘have you attempted suicide yet?’. if they did already, they won’t be there talking to you in the first place now.
  • this is important. NEVER mix religion and counselling into a session. no matter how much the patient has similar race or religion such as yours. if i want to talk about religion or even touch an ounce of it, i might have talked to any regular joes or janes. this include an ideation is a form of ‘hasutan syaitan’. you do NOT want them to think that they hear voices now, do you?


some just want to be appreciated, like their words and problems (even for a moment) means something to someone. we KNOW you have your life to go back to, other patients to see, we are aware of that. but when they go back, and you move on about your day of work, it is the patient will think over the discussion while you are happily sit down at a cafeteria talking how ‘funny’ and how ‘pretentious’ the previous patients were.