Pre-Mother’s Day post

Sometimes I force myself to look on the bright side. Because bitches can bitch all day long, but I know for a fact that in some point in their life, they had a mum, or a mother figure, and at one point in their life, they must have loved the mother so much.

And no one is evil by its own. o_O

 

TIL John Lennon’s dad left him when he (John) was only an infant and the mum passed away due to an accident when he was 17.

TIL 100 years ago, Anna Jarvis who campaigned to honour those mothers in one special day in US and it was celebrated since, on second Sunday of May.

TIL, when I googled (omg, why are you still using Google. It’s EBILLL) about Mother’s Day, one link captured my eyes.

A Mother's Day...when mother is gone

A Mother’s Day…when mother is gone

It’s the first Mother’s Day without my mum when she passed last October. It has been 22 years since my husband lost his mum. So we do not have our biological mother anymore. Technically we are motherless child.

Motherless.

That’s a word that is hard to swallow. Or to even accept.

I saw beautiful Mother’s Day cards which I know she loved. Then I realised, I no longer have a mother to give it to.

Not even a day passed us by without not thinking about my Ibu or his Mak. And when we got married, he kept telling my mum that she was in a way for him to be happy again. To feel what is like having a mum.

Because losing a mum at such a young age, retarded his feelings. He didn’t realise it, but I do. But it was not enough for me to understand at that point of time, seeing a grown man cry when he talks about his mum.

It was painful. Unbearable. But I couldn’t thoroughly empathise him. Even when there were others who were close to me were gone.

But I kept talking to him to remember the good things she did. As if she lives so far away.

I am still having trouble accepting. I don’t even care in what state of grieving I am. Because to me, my mum is still out there, somewhere. Maybe hanging out in Makkah, or having a time of her life around the globe.

Everyone can say to accept that she’s gone. I know, but doesn’t everyone grieve in their own way?

Sometimes I hope she left a note for us siblings, tucked away in a place where everyone overlooked. Or something for us to remember by. Then I realised, her memory raising us all is more than enough.

I know she died. I know that.

What I don’t want to accept is that she is gone.

Which watching ‘Resurrection’ and ‘Les Revenant’ is kinda put me in my own world for 40 minutes or so.

We are motherless, but we will find a way to honour our mothers in our own way.

We are motherless, but at least, for now, R is not.

Here’s to our mum and those who are in same state as we are. And here’s to those who we feel that they’re a mother to us (you know who you are! 🙂 )

You is kind. You is smart. You is important.

~The Help

With all the love and prayers in the world, may you watch over us and hope to see you soon, Ibu and Mak.