Der Letzte?

i don’t want to share the supports i have been getting, because it’s from a closed group and I appreciate their privacy, but i am grateful for them.

but to end all that, someone asked me why i didn’t make a report?

so i am sharing my answer here, so i can remember it, should i forget it someday.

” hi J, at the time I didn’t want to make an official report. But I did voice out to someone there. Did they take it seriously or just another rant? I dunno what happened after that. And I wrote not to shame them. And in the midst of mum passing not long after that, it was(still is) unbearable. I have my family to take care for. I have my own mind to take care for.

It’s my way to let things out before it destroys me, like it’s some people way to tweet, lengthy post status, cook for hours, singing in the rain, drive car fast…

At the time of that I felt lost. Both of us now officially have no mother.

Who can guide me(us)?

Who knows what to do?

Now what, they wanna say padan muka my mum died because I refused epi?

oh..sigh.

People in *** has been gracious in their comments on the posts here.

I already said why I wrote it time and again. I am not asking anyone here to avoid hospitals. An MO even wished me to have 4th degree tear. I wish him all the best. Will by saying all that can make them sleep better at night? Do what they will. I stand by my word, my husband who was there stands by his word. They can stand by their words and thinking.

Questions and guilt trips that were told “tak ingat anak ke?” “orang lain pun beranak jugak” “SEMUA org kena epi, why you stubbornly don’t want?”. these scare tactics  should be minimised.

i didn’t give birth to a bomb.

I can have just so many reasons why they didn’t tell it to me here, that I make everything bad in the world, tell me that i intentionally want to shame people, since here is where it comes from, but I can do so many.

No official reports will be made. It’s a no-case situation. Easily discarded. Easily forgotten. But I can’t forget it, at least not as easy as closing the browser.

Thanks, J. This is a supportive group, and I’m glad to be a part of it as long as I’m allowed to.

i do not NOT grateful for OB profession. not my purpose in the world to say who is better. but we need to “meet in halfway”, so both parties’ voices can be heard and respected.

cheers to OBs with their understanding that many mummy-to-be are scared sometimes by doing an excellent job and loving what they do.

cheers to mummies who wants their birth to be safe, happy and a memorable one.”

Thank you for visiting.

Sorry if I can’t reply your emails except for one. I let husband changed the password since he said “too many hateful people out there in your mailbox”.

And may MH370 will be found and everyone in it are safe.

Regards,
H.