how do you want to be remembered by?
sometimes, we hung up on one specific detail and it overshadows everything else.
this is how i want to be remembered by on my grave marker, in rumi:
(my date of death)
“Each of these days that draws us apart, takes a piece from my heart”
I’m not kidding.
how am I gonna put this. this sounds selfish, but at this point i just don’t care anymore.
i gave birth to my first born, a girl, on sept 15 (last month). she had to be admitted to nicu. my heart breaks to pieces on every single day i could not hold her in my arms and with the traumatic labour.
and then we fought for her, my parents came to see me. mum wanted to see the paed. she wanted to discuss the possibility of bringing the baby back home because to her it’s just ridiculous because hospital sg buloh treated us as if we have no parents, more so that the social workers thought i am an unfit mum, unable to take care of my own child. as if seremban has no general hospital of its own. but on the same day my mum came, baby was allowed to be roomed-in with me. then another few days of bullshits by the docs that the baby had low sodium level and the forced MRI.
we had enough. i skyped with my sis and mum, crying and they told me to just discharge the baby and bring her home.
we discharged her with AOR (at-own-risk) and thought that would be it, despite the possible brain damage because she was flatline for a while.
that was on sept 21. my 3-month-old nephew had his aqiqah on the same day, and 21st is our monthly-versary of being a couple.
the whole family came to my house, and i was happy holding little R in my arms.
At least the OG wanted to talk to the couple and explain his persuasion on C-section and his scare tactic towards natural birth.
If I had to do it all over again, I’d go to different hospital, talked to many ObGyns. There bound to be a caring one out there.