They Say

“If you were me, could you defend the given rights to all of man?”

(edit: March 6, 2014:

if you read this page or maybe not, that means you agree that you are reading this on your own free will. this is a PERSONAL story, true events, no holds barred. i will censor all the names again by my own preference, since you brave enough to take this old post i shared with a closed group and share outside of it, but no balls and tits to even remotely tell me i should censor them.

you can think whatever you want on your social media, i can think whatever i want. this is NOT a made-up story, or finding who is the victim, or to tarnish anyone’s reputation, be it your parents, your siblings, relatives, friends.

why you post it publicly?
– so that if i die, someone bound to get this page if i forgot to let them know. can you imagine not knowing ever? yes. ah okay.

why do you hate Dr S. and Dr. K?
– i don’t. but they would re-think how they treated me and others, should they remember me

why you hate the gomen hospital so much?
– i don’t. but i won’t go deep on that. you seems smart to jump into that by yourself.

kau MUSTI orang jenis taknak vaksin, percaya google and wikipedier, anak mati..padan muka.
– OMG..sedap mulut. vaksin atau tak, itu hak parents. aku bawak anak aku vaksin, tak pernah miss. apa kejadah kau ni, anti google? sumpah tak pernah guna google ke? kalau orang cam kau jenis guna google mmg confirm ok tapi utk aku tak? come on.

why you close comments? you sked issit? sked kitty fatty boo boo
– I just found out about auto closed comment in setting. i dunnolah about blogging blogging ni. i am so dumb. then i found it. then i was like wheeeeee i clickkkk wheeee.


you are one selfish prick! may God(s) curse you into the nothingness and your child become stupid!
– i know. but that is not so religious of you to say that. would u like people to say that to you?

by reading this, I assume you read this as well.

read at your own risk. i risk myself everyday to just to live.)

This is a personal account of a first time mother who gave birth in a government hospital environment, more specifically, Hospital SB. I strongly believe that workers there are underpaid, underappreciated, overworked, thus most of them had those causes to give the undesirable effects: giving a hard time to ‘patients’ who have an ounce or knowledge and questions things.

So Health Ministry, would you consider actually giving them higher basic salary so they can be happy working in a medical service industry than worrying about the need to increase the price of sugar related to diabetes?

And I have problems with few that they think above others and asked me to consider others while rarely considers mine.

But that does not mean in the sea of inconsiderate know-it-all that there are no one have gentle and kind soul.

There are and those few are to me my small miracles, a calm spot during the storm.

So spare your moral bullshit(s), know-it-all crap, on how should or should one react under pressure, how ‘that is what it supposed to be done since my nenek moyang’.

Cliche warning, but “Read if you want, leave if you want.”

I want to jot this down while it is still fresh in my mind and to remind me what those selected few makes me pissed off the moment I stepped in the observation room in the labour area. I too want and need to highlight certain medical practices that needs more flexibilities for my own lesson, should I encounter myself in the same situation(s).

And this page is insulting. Some of the early indicators of birth can be felt weeks or months before. And to hold a pregnant women for four to six hours with 3-5cm dilation at assessment centre? GOD DAMMIT WEH. Belum beranak, kau dah bagi anak beranak stressed.

Child friendly hospital much?

And that bullshit about mothers-to-be not remembering what happened? LIES. They either censor it from their mind or being too drugged up.

But I won’t censor names this time around. I censor loh.


Post-due birth and all that jazz

My birth show had came out few days after my due date. I saw that as no cause for alarm. I kept having anxiety when everyone asked me non stop why haven’t I gone to the hospital to give birth.

The simple answer is: I don’t feel any pain at that moment of time.

I am surrounded maybe not seen as a normal environment where everyone were chasing due dates, panic if nothing happens. My second sister was so heavily traumatised about her first birth at a private local hospital that she decided to have better process and gain more knowledge in birthing peacefully with her other kids. The one who lives with me helped as an emergency doula at one of the births.

I believe that as long as I have no serious illness, baby can come out when she feels like it. I don’t want her to be born into the world stressed, scared (but what happened to us later was another unfortunate matter) that she spends her whole life with low self esteem and confidence.

(Try to observe most of the first child in any family, especially where the parents did not have prior experience in childbirth. Despite the kid turned out to be a brave adult, was he initially scared easily, did anything just to mask the insecurity? Were they easily stressed as a kid? More trouble than the next one? Clever but easily shook up? Not calm? Coincidence, but not that all funny or ‘it just those phases to become an adult’ when you really think about it.)

The counter fight for my extreme low pain threshold was that I have learned and practised in managing my pain effectively, as long as there were no interferences and I could find my focus point.

After ten days post due, with false surges on some days, it was the time at 4am. I played PC game since the night before and thought I sat too long that my back hurts so much.

The pain was bearable until 10am on Sept 15. I started having hard surges in between 3 to 5mins. Knowing that there was no way that false surges could last in a long period, I informed my sisters.

My sisters (one at home with me and the other is 60km away) coached me on the early stage along with my husband. Rubbing my back, reminded me to breathe properly, and making sure I was calm.

We went to H.SB around 3pm, arrived 15mins later. The nurse at the labour room registration counter told me to use a wheelchair. I refused the offer/order because I needed to know how much pain I could still tolerate and by walking around, it helped to lessen the pain.

I know by that time, I would be seen as a potential troublemaker even when I did not intend to be one.

Fetal monitoring while contraction??

I was in the observation area all by myself and three doctors (perhaps housemen) came to me to put CTG (to measure baby’s heartbeat) on my stomac and did vaginal exam (VE) to check my dilation. And this was at 4.30pm.

I did not refuse any fetal monitor at this point of time. I was TRYING GOD DAMN HARD to keep it together, but the dub dub dub sound started to make me hurt even more. But let’s try to keep it on and hang on, I consoled myself quietly.

Remember Dr. K from my previous post, which refused my birth plan?

Her name is actually Dr. K*A and she was on call and came to see me. In a very harsh tone and condescending look, with her surrounded by the young doctors and nurses, sternly scold me why I let my pregnancy post due.

Painful as I was in, I was offended being humiliated as such and I replied harshly back that was because I was not in pain. She then questioned me as if I was a child, “Then why are you here?”

“My blood pressure was 154/110 and I am having contraction?!” I replied.

“Sorilah sebab Dr datang datang terus cakap macam cari gaduh, saya akan jawab macam tu jugak! (Sorry, but you came to me as if looking for a fight, so I am doing the same)!”, I added.

I told the doctor who was doing a VE, a petite and fair lady with glasses and long straight hair, to be kind when she wanted to pull out her fingers from the vagina, which OBVIOUSLY ignored as she yanked it away.

I flinched and saw blood on her gloves. Not sure it was my birth show or something else, but I started to feel annoyed by that.

Seriously annoyed, exactly.

She informed me that I was 4cm dilated.

Now and then I got down from the bed because lying down was uneasy and was scolded by the nurses. Told them I couldn’t lie down flat on my back due to my tailbone injury. One nurse was kind to adjust the bed.

The shrieking noises from the nearby toilet whenever people flush, in fact any type of noises set my surge off and it was getting painful. I had no one to accompany me. By that time, I asked the nurse if my sister could be with me since only both of them were around. Grudgingly Dr. K let it (I silently thanked her for that one small deed) as my sister rubbing my back and putting hot lotion on my back and thighs.

Again, another doctor, an hour after that, wanted to do another VE, and I let her do her job. As she puts her hand inside my vagina, another surge came along with it and she said I was still at 4cm.

But in that midst of screaming, this kind doc could still pull her fingers away without me feeling hurt from it.

CTG was still on, and another VE check made my surge gone wild. I was screaming because I could not find my focus point as they wanted for me to breathe their own way (rapid breath with my mouth open) while I was already doing fine deep breathing in and out with my nose.

“6cm”, the nurse said.

Low pain threshold and any noises ticked me off, I was promised a painkiller so I could keep the CTG on my stomach by a male doctor. (The latter part was LIES…LIESSS AND SLANDERRRR).

I tried to keep the CTG in place but it just agitated the surges even more. I could not stop moving. They told me they gonna do an internal monitor (wait, my water broke?), by putting a small metal rod on my baby’s head by scratching her head a bit (a bit?).

A doctor named Dr. S*H( She has this Penang mamak look, in tudung, moderately thin, talked in ‘pelat’ Bahasa which I have no idea why) made her roundings. From my googling around and if I could recall it perfectly, I did read about someone named Dr. S*H where she was the one responsible for a delay birth process of a baby that resulted in celebral palsy.

But obviously, I played dumb and didn’t mention that her reputation precedes her.

I had my finger crossed that I might get the wrong S*H.

My husband replaced my sister and I was wheeled off to the labour room around 6pm. I could still talk to my husband in between surges. Making jokes and screaming in between as well.

I was 8cm dilated around 8pm (geez, how convenient is that?) and the surges are bearable because my husband kept telling me to look at him, so in a way I had my focus point. I was looking at his nose. Lulz.

After that, they told me to wait until 10.25pm to see if I am fully dilated.

I was getting frustrated, so frustrated.

Like the kind of satisfaction you had after karaoke/jamming/on a rollercoaster, I screamed my frustration away like any other normal person.

With internal monitor, they still insisted on outside CTG. Told me but not really telling me, (which happened quite often during my stay there, as if I was a ghost overhearing whatever they said) that the machine for internal monitor was not working. I told them to take it off, and they said “to wait for the doctor to take it off”. And they never did until the very end.

But I’ll get to that soon.

I do however, wanted to say sorry to that one doctor (maybe a student doc) in that white lab coat who went out after I told them “NO STUDENTS PLEASE!”. Honestly, bro. From the bottom of my heart.

And thank you and sorry as well to that nurse who thought a Zikir or a Nasyid song played in the labour room could actually help me out. It didn’t, again I screamed to turn it off.

I was beginning to think that I was not in a multicultural labour room and hospital, but one-race/religion-skewed place.

Anyway…sorry bebanyak, kak.

Scream, H., scream

I kept screaming and calmed down during surges. What made it worse because I tried to then focus to a blue sticker above the sink during surges and was blocked by a nurse. My husband at that point of time was no use because he started crying. Yes, poor him, but I don’t need people to cry on me when I was crying at the same time.

I pushed the end part of the bed until it fell off while I was screaming in pain. They wanted to put me on pitocin. I refused. What’s the point? To hasten the process? To make YOUR life easier but not mine?

One nurse, when I was not in pain, told me “kau ni kalau takde contraction, baikk aja”.

You don’t say.

Moments after that my frustration not having a painkiller sunk in. I jumped from my bed, took my CTG off and demanded the painkiller. Was told by Dr. S*H that it was late in the delivery stage. But I told them if they wanted me on the bed again, they better give me what they had promised. I said this again and again.

She told my husband that if this is what I really want then they won’t put the CTG on again. My husband looked at me and I nodded.

“Then she and her husband is aware of what they’re getting into”, she said to the nurse.

Pissed off, I said : OBVIOUSLY!

She wanted to add more whatever insults and undermining words but my husband put his feet down by putting his hand up and said “enough, please doctor.”

Dr. S*H went out right afterwards.

As MUCH as they want to make sure and claim that they need to make sure the baby would not be ‘drowned’ inside, I felt and still feeling that there is no use logically to force a CONSTANT fetal monitor when a mum is already under the pain of contraction. They won’t find it as we mums in labour could not stay still in one place. We will be like any other pregnant beings, tossing and turning to make ourselves comfortable.

Unless of course, we are paralysed, or under epidural (which I was not under) and no contraction despite dilated close to 10cm, thus a constant monitor is a must.

I would be more than welcoming them if they wanted to periodically check with a doppler.

I went to the toilet, followed by three nurses who screamed that I would give birth at the toilet. I told her I need to pee.

As I was peeing, and I told her “see, no baby comes out?? I do NEED to push for that to happen!”

If birth is that simple that the baby can just fall as they ‘claimed’ to be and without hard pushing like Morticia Addams, then I’d be a happy person. /s

Yes, by that moment I was definitely being difficult on purpose because I was extremely irked by the way you promise me things and do not deliver!

Pantang betul aku!

And all these “mengucap, mengucap”, “tak sayang baby ke?”, “Jangan jerit/ tak baik jerit-jerit” “tak kesian ke dengan baby dan mak lain?” “istighfar lah, dikkk” “pikirlah ibu ibu yang lain” made me more pissed off.

And one of them said one thing that made me screamed even more: “untung awak ada suami macam dia (lucky you for having a husband like him)”.

I have NEVER heard that a LOT of times???!! (that’s me being sarcastic) and I went wild and screamed at the top of my lung along with the surge.

My husband quickly said “no no no no no no, don’t say that to her. it’s not helping”.

Eventually Dr. S*H came back and allowed a painkiller injection. And took the internal monitor off as well.

One senior nurse (I guess because she handled me almost perfectly) and told me to start pushing at 10.25pm and everytime I had the surges. It helped A LOT. My surges was short but with every push, it didn’t hurt much. Might (but debatable) have been the factor of the painkiller worked a bit as well.

Told to inhale the numbing gas, it didn’t work shit. All I got was feeling dizzy and vomit-ty. And funny too. I did chuckle. So I stopped inhaling it.

Battle is on!

So my battle was on at 10.45pm. Three people was there, two nurses and a doctor. I didn’t scream anymore at this point of time. And I made sure despite my undesirable birthing position (reclining bed with my feet bended to push the metal part) that my ass won’t go up.

“Push whenever you feel like pushing”, the doctor who’s in charge of stretching my vagina wall said.

And that’s where the unnecessary vocal coaching started. I was forced to push like I wanted to pass motion, even if I didn’t feel like it.

I cried because I KNOW that I will have my perineum tore up due to this. I refused episiotomy because that was the only thing from my birthing plan that they have not violently violated and I wanted…no, what i NEEDED at that moment.

They insisted on episiotomy. Again, I refused. I KNOW I can push, but not being forced into. I was tired from my hands holding each side of the bed.

“Lagi, lagi lagi lagi lagi!” and “teran macam geram” were two chants from them that was repeated again and again.

I am birthing a baby, my own beautiful baby, why the FUCK for I can geram for?

It was during 11.10pm that the doctor told that I need to be fast because the nurse had another two rooms to handle to. Biting my lips, I caved in. Not because I was feeling weak, but after all the screaming and the difficulties I put them through, that nurse at least deserve that.

So pitocin is in by a small amount and I pushed three more times.

An episiotomy was suggested again and I told them “okay, but just a small one”.

While the doctor was getting ready to take the scissor, I had one last push.

In the end, no episiotomy.

Nope. Nada. No. Nein. Tiada.

With no episiotomy, I gave birth to a our firstborn, a beautiful baby girl (at least to both of us) at 11.22pm, Sept 15, 2013. Pleaded them to leave the cord at least for a minute but they cut it off anyway.

I remembered all the blood supply she should get from the umbilical cord but didn’t and I finally “geram”.

As she was put on my hospital shirt, she opened her eyes and cried a bit. All the geram faded as I was relieved that she is alive.

All those talks during the pregnancy to scare the shit out of me, mild this and mild that, possible this and that, my baby is a healthy baby although I didn’t notice any more vernix on her skin but she was partially covered with meconium (newborn’s poo).

But they didn’t think so. They whisked her away before my hand could reach out to touch her skin. Putting baby on my chest, covered with my shirt, no skin-to-skin.

(or was this part of a grand plan of not letting me to be near baby due to psychiatric reasons? You decide.)

Suctions of fluids from her nose and throat, vitamin K injection, cleaning the baby was not done in front of me or at my presence. No direct explanation given immediately until I kept calling my daughter’s name and crying.

“Her child has swallowed a solid meconium into her body. She was flatline for a moment,” a male doctor told the other doctor.

(Flatline? When? How? I swear that husband and I heard her voice and saw her opening her eyes right after birth.)

It sounded partly true and partly made up. And with no decency to inform me first made me wonder were their professionalism gone down the drain or due to my screamings earlier, they felt that I don’t deserve to be treated like a human being.

The senior nurse massaged and pulled my cord slowly and I birthed my placenta easily, less than 5 minutes. It was intact. And it was freaking big.

I cried and calling out my baby’s name non stop. And I haven’t seen her.

Not even when the rest of Malaysians celebrating Malaysia Day at the struck of midnight.


Husband was told to go out, but with ‘pleading’ hormone in me, I pleaded him not to.

“It’s the hospital procedure,” the doc told. I cried and he told me that he would just be outside.

No one to hold my hand.


Perinum tear: First degree tear outside. But second degree inside, as checked by Dr. S*H who came in later. I was stitched up, but Dr. S*H kept on pulling my labia (I have an extremely sensitive labia, not sure if THAT is seen as abnormal) and kept on jerking my body even after three local anaesthesia injected around my outer vagina,

I told her it was not the pain of getting sew up, but stop pulling my labia! She ignored me.

I signed the form to allow me to be stitched up in operating theatre because she told me that I ‘don’t want to cooperate’ so the procedure had to be done semi sedated from the waist down.

I read the whole thing through, surprisingly, (because no one should be sucked into signing anything unknown) and questioned them about things I needed to know. Then I said OK.

A catheter was put inside my pee hole (that’s my layman’s term, SHUT IT!) as well.

Grudgingly and briefly explained, but an explanation nevertheless. Fair enough.

There were a lot of people in the OT, some of them were talking about their work, one gentle lady keep attending to my call if I ever had a question while Dr. S*H sat down and continue the stitching.

I asked the gentle lady with short ponytail beforehand to be absolutely sure that I was semi and temporarily paralysed after the spinal anaesthesia, so she poked my arms, my stomach, and my thigh softly with a needle so I would know that I am confirmed numb.

(Thank you for that).

After the operation, my husband wasn’t outside the operating room. Only later I got to know that even he is promised to be let in, the security guards downstairs wouldn’t allow it.

Saw him at the ward, he put the socks on my feet, kissed me goodbye and then I was alone.

I saw the empty crib beside my bed.

My heart breaks even more.

Next: My baby is in NICU

24 thoughts on “They Say

  1. Pingback: My baby is in NICU | dubistwasdubist

  2. Pingback: Hospital Sungai Buloh’s child, mum friendly policy | dubistwasdubist

  3. Oh my Darling Eva, my heart is breaking for you & Gadhafee.
    This is not a good beginning for your parenthood but I have no doubt you & Gad can turn it around. Your daughter will lead you both into a beautiful life filled with love & many blessings. And I can not wait to watch it unfold. Love you always xxxxxx

  4. gosh, this is sad. i delivered my first in Hosp Selayang as a normal patient. not a fantastic experience either but much better than yours. i thot of trying HSB for my 2nd one but came across many bad reviews online. even had a friend who lost her son due to hospital’s negligence and lack of urgency in attending to her.
    this is a good write up, hopefully will benefit other mom to be in their hosp decision and more importantly, HSB to improve their services, especially their doctors – hmmm im so disgusted w this dr. sarah (read your note about your baby in nicu too).

    • i am not writing to call to people to avoid HSB. I am not. I just wrote my experience and I guess this is an isolated one, which they can discard as ‘disgruntled mental mum’ easily. There are others there in HSB who are kind and attentive, like one refuse-to-be-named nursing consultant who waited past her work shift to help me out.

      I’m sorry to hear about your friend. Hope all is well. Do not afraid to go to the hospital. It might be different this time around. *hugs*

  5. I think there might be some misunderstandings here which is natural if you’re not medical staff, but there are reasons for doing the procedures the way they are done. I thought I might explain this to you so others might know and also so you might understand and have some peace with it.

    1. It’s dangerous to give painkillers after 6cm dilatation because there is a risk that the painkiller will affect the baby and be born drowsy.
    2. There is a score given to babies as they are born, but from what I understand you were thick meconium stained (this can happen if you are post-dates), there is a high risk that your baby will swallow the meconium and there is an increased risk of infection and poor activity etc). There is no urgency to take your baby away from you unless there is an indication, and while this might not have been explained to you effectively, please be assured that most healthcare staff do want the best for their patients outcomes.
    3. CTG monitoring is done in labour because it allows healthcare staff to monitor the baby’s heartbeat, in times of ‘distress’, it allows doctors to makes decisions that are safest for your child.

    I hope this helps somewhat, and I realize many months have passed since the birth. I hope you and your child have recovered well with no ill effects and I hope in the future you will help yourself by finding out as much as you can about the procedures involved, wherever you choose to give birth the next time. As a patient you have a right to ask about every single thing that is being done to you – but it is also the right of doctors and nurses to carry out their job as seen fit, so I hope that by understand the reasoning behind their actions it will help you through the next pregnancy.

    Kind regards.

    • Thank you, since I am not a medical staff, I must have lack in it.

      I understand they are doing the best that they can. Like confidante7 said I was defaming, I must have.

      Typical Malaysian mum.

      • Sorry, not all Malaysian moms are like you. So, stop claiming that “regards, typical Malaysia mum” thingy.

        I went through labour last 2 months and I did experience all pain I had to give birth, all I can say is that, I was ready for all the pain of giving birth weeks before the time, which kept me calm all the way through my labour process. And while going through the stages of the labour too, the only thing I wanted was, for my baby to be born safely in to the world, regardless of my condition, which meant I was ready to die in order to give birth to my baby. Who does not want the “syahid kecil” status, right?

        I hope next time you deliver your child, think more on your baby, do not be too selfish.

        And I pray for you to have a more gentle birth the next time you go for it.

        Take care and think positive always.

        hi nurul akmar,

        Not sure you’re sarcastic or being kind, but either way thank you. I pray for your unselfishness to your baby, your family, and everyone. May your house will be lightened with that soft smile and lingering giggles of your child. I’m sorry if you think I am selfish. I’d go to hell and back for that kid. I hope and pray that I will not even once, in my awake or daze days, utter the word or even THINK in line of regretting of having her. I’m sure you will not be, too. Take care and god bless.


  6. Dear blogger,
    I would like to know why you would like to defamed other people ? What is your intention. You sound like you have an islamic name but claimed that the world owes you the best treatment as if you contributed so much to the society and country . Does the doctors cause you disability or even your child any disability? Remember the reason why you came to hsb ? Because you and your husband cant afford private healthcare right ? Could you even tell how mamy people in labour that time ? If you think you want best treatment go dsh , prince court ? Gleanegle. At least labour room has aircond , tv, meal served, one to one staff , doctors . Sadly I would like to conclude you are a typical Malaysian. You want free service but first class service. Enjoy your motherhood. Make sure you become full time mother or even hire the best nanny . And Oh yeah ms just enter motherhood. Make sure you have enough money to send your kid to a montessori and international school as malaysia education system sucks . You know why im furious? Because you have no guts to approached the hospital or even the person itself. If you are sincere and honest im sure you will but you choose to humiliate them so you feel better. Id like to congratulate you for being so proud to humiliate people.

    • thank you. i’m writing my experience. not to ‘humiliate’ people. not to be proud. not to have ‘first class service’. i’m sure you stand on everything you said, so am i. have a great day and may all the the happiness in the world comes in your way. 🙂

  7. Dear blogger,
    From your writing, I sensed that you are one hard to please, smart alecky, like to complaint, full of yourself, low self respect, angry, I dont give a shit of other people, please look at me ONLY me, i know this stuff, type of bitch.
    I wish you read your writing again, and realize how hard (and stupid) you were during the labor. If the labor room has camera, and documented all the drama you staged, i bet you will be nominated as the best mentally challenge mother. What you did was dangerous to your child. And probably, the reason for your child to be in NICU, was because of you.
    Medical team work based on standard of procedures. The dos and donts when managing a case are based on many scientific findings, from clinical trials, from lots of research. Don’t think that you know a lot just by googling your knowledge. Malaysian doctors are trained in universities, is no doubt, far knowledgeable than you, who probably reads ‘facts’ from wikipedia.

    • thank you for thinking me as a bitch. i try hard to be that. the most i got was a ice cold stone asshole. your comment is appreciated.

      i’d love to be in the camera in the labour room. and my friend love to be in a camera, too. she was called “buat dengan suami boleh, beranak nak menangis” during labour. yep. love it. another friend would love it too.

      it’s convenient to say my kid is in NICU *probably* because of me, right? so you *probably* know you’re right, deep inside. you are smart. i’m ‘smart aleck’. this is me being ‘smart alecky’.

      there is nothing wrong with wikipedia, google or any search engine. the way you use it on the other hand…


      “hard to please, smart alecky, like to complaint, full of yourself, low self respect, angry, I dont give a shit of other people, please look at me ONLY me, type of bitch.”

      p/s: about “i know this stuff”. i don’t know everything, unfortunately. do you?

  8. The first page of your blog mentioned about this time I shall reveal names? Obviously it was used to attract readers with their mind thinking lets check it out who the person is. Perhaps I dont like to interfere a personal blog , but revealing names does lead to other impact. The government doctors main concern is mother and baby are safe. that goes to every lady whom delivered irregardless of race , religion and citizenship.
    In terms of delivering a baby.. there is a saying the more anxious you are in pregnancy and in labour the more complications the mother will develop. Whats more important is to be calm and relax.. its just a journey . One person could be lucky with smooth delivery and some maybe not.
    I have no personal agenda to attack anyone but I would like to emphasize on the public that hey.. look at the situations first before winging and complaining. If you really want the public healthcare to improve , please make a honest feedback to them directly. Enjoy motherhood and remember child healthcare is always a priority. More new infants dies because of poor care by caretaker and not hospitalisation.

    • You are welcomed to judge me by this post and this post alone. I have no ill feelings towards you. Please, don’t care that I did tell about my dissatisfaction, don’t give a hoot I did not start harshing my words in the first place, don’t care that despite the treatment, don’t care about that at all. But of course you’re not interested to know about me, so this is what I have to say:

      More new infant dies due to caretaker? Granted my cousin was not an infant, he was a toddler, when he died at the hospital due to wrong blood given. He was screaming, pulling his hair, in fit and passed not long after. Report? done. Responsibility from the said hospital? They even had the nerve to blame it on the bloody parents. PLEAASEEEEEE tell me, that that case if a fluke, an isolation, an abnormality. PLEASE. And he is a down syndrome toddler. Satisfy you enough?

      My mum who was still a staff nurse at the same hospital, went back home and cried every single night for her nephew. Satisfied? He was fine since infancy, I loved the kid. Satisfied? Makes you feel all warm inside that I tell you this sad story, isn’t it?

      This is NOT a place to wage a war. It’s a memory. The way I want my memory to kept, it’s up to me. I am sorry if you’re offended in any way.

      The point is, doctor is human, so do patients. I, know how to respect doctors since they know a lot more better and those who treated me kindly, but do doctors?


      K. Enjoy life.

  9. dear blogger,
    first of all, i have no idea whats your true intention of posting this blog.its either to condemn the government hospitals or to just to show how great you are.
    First of all, you went ot hospital 10 days post date.who gave you the information that you can wait as long as you like?if you would have followed proper antenatal care, your doctor would have definitely told you that you should be induced 7th day post date as they is higher risk of meconium aspiration and intrauterine deaths the longer the baby is in-utero post date. and you were having contraction pain since 4 am and you only went to hospital around 3 pm the next day? and you are complaining about being held for 4 hours in observation unit? you can wait as long as YOU WANT but the moment you arrive at the hospital, everything should be done according to your convenience and timing?
    Dr. K or Dr. K*A (edited by hidayah. censor loh).as you mentioned refused your birth plan ( i don`t know what your birth plan was, and am not interested in knowing cause its definitely going to be dumb) because she knows something more about pregnancy than you `googled` knowledge. mind you, in government hospitals, there are SOP and protocols where we can`t be allowing everything patient request if its unreasonable. and you are so proud you answered harshly (looking for a fight) back to the doctor as she questioned you.Did you even realized that she was asking that due to concern for your baby. if she doesn`t care about your baby, she wouldn`t have bothered. for you its only one pregnancy and your google knowledge.but for doctors, they see patients day in day out, they know what possibilities could happen if you prolong your pregnancy. Maybe you should upgrade your knowledge next time you get pregnant so that when you blog this kind of things, you don`t stupid.

    Now and then getting down the bed?and going to wash room to pee? and you got annoyed when they told you not to? what if you slipped and fell right on your belly? you going to blame to the hospital for not being more cautious on you? yeah, thats sounds easy and pretty much what you would have done in case anything happened.

    oh wow, great, you refused pitocin. to make their life easier? in what way is that going to make their life easier? you think you are the last patient to deliver and once they are done with you, their work is all done?

    jumped out of bed, took your ctg off and demanded for painkiller? all your drama was just affecting your baby. and am surprised how you can blog about your attitude so publicly. shame on you.

    you don`t feel there is no need for constant fetal monitoring or there is no logic in it? what knowledge do you have to determine that?you think the nurses have no other better work to do than monitoring you baby`s heart?and mind you, please don`t generalize yourself in the `we mums` cause every other person goes through the same thing and they don`t whine or complain like how you do.and you would be more welcoming if they want to periodically check with doppler? please don`t just use a word because because you know it cause its just going to show how stupid you are. you clearly don`t know what a doppler is. No one would have bothered to invent the CTG if PERIODICALLY examining the baby`s heart you do the job.

    Refused episiotomy and ended with a second degree tear.Good for you. Wish it was a fourth degree tear and you would have known what it feels like. and you get irritated the doctor kept pulling your labia? do you even know how hard is it to suture a deep tear? i would say the doctor was kind enough to get you into OT to repair under spinal. And where on this earth would your husband/family member be allowed into OT during a procedure?I don`t even know where you got that idea from.

    For labour room staffs (doctors and nurses), your baby`s condition is more important to let you hug and kiss your baby, because you have your lifetime to do so, only if the child is healthy.

    Seriously, i hope you learnt your lesson., You delaying your birth caused your baby to end up in NICU. Your ego and stupidity would have killed your baby. and who the hell told you birth giving was an easy task. Its as traumatizing to every woman and doctors and nurses try their best to make it as easy as possible, given the patient cooperates as much. By you showing your attitude, its not going to cost them anything. You are going to be the loosing party.

    You are just arrogant and so full of yourself.

    • “You are just arrogant and so full of yourself.”
      Yes, I guess I am full of myself. I guess you know the exact conception date.. It seems you know more than me.

      “and you are complaining about being held for 4 hours in observation unit?”
      err..did i say it in this post? I did? oh no. I am so sorry I complained about being held.

      Dr. K or Dr. K*A as you mentioned refused your birth plan (…) Did you even realized that she was asking that due to concern for your baby (…) ( i don`t know what your birth plan was, and am not interested in knowing cause its definitely going to be dumb) (…)
      Ah..I guess you speak for her as if you know her. If you say something like “that dumbass call centre agent named Hidayah is slow, I won’t use that telco AGAIN”, so suddenly everyone who is a call centre agent in the country knows me and can say on behalf of me? I guess I wrote about how she pat my head, and smiled and softly said when she asked about my post-due. and then i yelled at her. of course to you, birth plan is “dumb”. you’re not interested to know, what should i do? i’m just so expert in googling things. i’m sure you do not use that horrid google, am i not? google knowledge are for dumb ones like me. 😦

      “and you would be more welcoming if they want to periodically check with doppler? please don`t just use a word because because you know it cause its just going to show how stupid you are. you clearly don`t know what a doppler is.”
      Ouch. You are absolutely right. How that got in there? Omg..I don’t know what doppler is and its functions!

      “Refused episiotomy and ended with a second degree tear.Good for you. Wish it was a fourth degree tear and you would have known what it feels like.”
      K. Thanks for the wish. Likewise. And my sister got that from the hospital for her first baby. She absolutely knows what it feels like. (She didn’t refuse epi, if that’s what you’re wondering).

      “You delaying your birth caused your baby to end up in NICU. Your ego and stupidity would have killed your baby.”.

      And where on this earth would your husband/family member be allowed into OT during a procedure?I don`t even know where you got that idea from.
      did i say that? who on earth said he is allowed in OT. don’t pull my legs. “After the operation, my husband wasn’t outside the operating room. Only later I got to know that even he is promised to be let in, the security guards downstairs wouldn’t allow it.” C’mon…I know you see me dumb, but I am not THAT dumb.

      “By you showing your attitude, its not going to cost them anything. You are going to be the loosing party.

      You are just arrogant and so full of yourself.”
      Since it doesn’t cost anything, I hope reading it won’t cost you anything either. I am so sorry if it does. Thanks for the honest feedback, and I’ll keep it in mind in the future. If you want to kick me on the ground, teach me a lesson, and then have a teh tarik in my expense, say so. We can only say/type so much, right?

      It’s a personal opinion and my own experience, that is all. Not aiming who is the best, who is the worst. If true stories praising hospitals can be told, why not the opposite ones? Not aiming all doctors or any medical practitioners either, and certainly not aiming at an honest-to-god, good and kind MO like you. I am sorry I cause you to type all these to me. I learned, from your comments, that any dissatisfaction arise I must be quiet and tell everyone everything is okay. I guess (if I am allowed to assume like you do) that you have voiced out your dissatisfaction and memories to the right and proper channel in the past. Bravo to you on that.

      I appreciate everything you have just typed and I thank you again. I humbly wish you all the best, in your career and in your personal and professional life and may today and the next and the next be a great day for you.

      Let’s agree to disagree and stand by our own words and comments. Cheers!

  10. I gave birth 3 times, yet i have nothing to complaint. Even enjoyed the moment… My advice, if u seek for a first class treatment… It comes with a price. Private hospital lah dear ape lagi.

    P/s : i have my birthing story too in my blog. Compared to yours… I feel sorry for you. Take care.

    • yay for you! clearly we (by we i mean you) judge by one post alone. yay!

      wait. maybe you do feel sorry for me. i am sorry. too many bitching i lost my track. but hey, enjoy your motherhood and grats on the newborn, mummy! 🙂

  11. congratulations on proving that u are one SELFISH BRAT..what the doctors did was justified and it is what have been practiced world wide..when u were being all childish, u were only delaying them from doing their jobs..and i guess your parents never taught u on how to ask things nicely from other people..
    would u have preferred the doctors to give ur baby to u directly and let u hold the baby longer when there was something wrong with the baby? i thought parents (most of them) wants the baby to be attended to immediately when something’s wrong..based on your story honestly i don’t pity u at all..i pity your child..because of your selfishness, she is suffering..btw meconium is something u would never want to pass out poo is NEVER a good sign..that’s why the doctors took her away..IT WAS TO SAVE HER LIFE..please understand that before u go ‘hentam’ all the staff there..if u want to be this selfish, i suggest the next time u want to deliver a baby or go see doctors for any reason, please save up enough money to see a private doctor..the staffs in the goverment have a lot on their plate already..they don’t need to make their work harder..

    • what the doctors did was justified and it is what have been practiced world wide.
      okay. worldwide. i didn’t know that. thank you.

      based on your story honestly i don’t pity u at all..i pity your child..because of your selfishness, she is suffering
      omg. i am so childish. omg. i WAS being told directly when they took her, was i not? /s come on la. you are smart. cakap aku hentam, kau sebelum hentam baca post ni aja ke apa?

      but i give you credit for ‘hentam’ me by this post alone. for that bravo!

      and i guess your parents never taught u on how to ask things nicely from other people..
      can i guess (guess only) that you are allowed by your parents to say ppl are selfish brat? main mak bapak, nampak. :). did your parents teach you for example “Nadiah, if you are unhappy with people, PLEASE call them names and mention THEIR parents”. My parents didn’t.

      and thank you for accusing that i wrote this to
      -intentionally hurt people if no hurt inflicted on me
      -that i feel no remorse and no feelings whatsoever
      -that i am CRAVING, nay, DEMANDING for first class treatment from the start to the end.
      -that my stubbornness in giving birth, not lying straight, okayed being lied to verbally, okay being mocked with, and not telling about my kid, means I don’t love my kid.

      can you or anyone else get off their high horse for once? did you READ about sister was in private local and she herself didn’t get good treatment? did you SEE me intentionally bashing and *defame* and *shame* GOVERNMENT HOSPITAL and GOVERNMENT HOSPITAL ALL AROUND THE COUNTRY? I wrote what happened to ME and my FAMILY at particular hospital. it can be some high end hospitals, but who cares, right? you just gleefully don’t see that.

      you know WHY some mum (ninaadhar x termasuk, dia enjoyed) didn’t write or tell anything at all about their bad experience? because a people like YOU love to associate on how some people LOVEEEE to condemn govt. you love to think and assume we hate ALL nurses and ALL doctors in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD. as if writing their own true experience on a (one) hospital is WRONG and NOT ALLOWED. as if all the doctors in the net who utters bad words for their patients in social media is OKAY because they are STRESSED and they don’t name names.

      you can have mothers that were traumatised, for their whole lives, and you might say to their face “hey, as long as your kids and alive and well. you’ll move on”.


      so give me, from your ONE POST JUDGING SESSION, that what this doctor has done? from that ONE post, please do. pray tell. tell me in your first thought, you did not think that she looked at someone’s birth plan, took a picture, posted it for PUBLIC post, and say “”patient oh patient…” “oh gelinya hati” because there are hearts and loves on the paper.

      oh, she was ‘tersasar’? that doctor terrpost? page kena hack? bersangka baik?

      but you have the need to bersangka buruk when it comes to non-medical people like me?

      people like YOU make some people would rather be lying and say they are okay then they harm themselves. you live with that thoughts and you are ok. i don’t.

      if a person like YOU who are so well read and must have well to do, think that any of the posts here jeopardise someone which you *assume* i intended to, despite discarded it like some kind of disgruntled person who may have mental problem, i don’t know what to say.

      meh. cakap berbuih pun, korang masih peluk tubuh, and say “how dumb she is”. tak pernah puas.

      you just found an easy outlet to show how patriotic and courageous you are and told some “hey, i commented on that betina page” and your friends cheered. of course i’m assuming here. but obviously you do not do that (i think)

      i don’t want to pull out the “it’s my blog, you no laik, you go klik dat X”, but you read what you want. you comment, you feel happy, you move on. you cheer on others who think i am all the bad things in the world, while i am alone here. i *might* be crazy. i don’t want to call you a bully, but do you feel like one?

      i feel you are one.

      WHAT do you want? want me to take off the posts because it’s DEFAMING and UNTRUE? it is true. want me to censor the names? NONE of you commenters tell me or suggest me that. NONE.
      wah wah wah hidayah is a spoiled brat, selfish and hate their kids, wah wah wah.

      not ONE post ask me like “hey, can you take off the names you are angry about and or, maybe leave the names you are happy about”.

      I’d be touched and then touchy feely my cats and sniffs them then sniffs myself like why i haven’t taken a bath yet and might actually do that. don’t you EVER think that?

      cakap aku buat tipu. part aku time kasih kat dr, tak nampak..sbb yelah, satu ayat aja kan?

      feel superior tak? tak baca that i already voiced out about this to a dr and she herself already explained her side of things?

      baca? tak baca? oh lupa..awak baca ni aja. saya bodo, saya baca semua sebelum nak mengomel. kadang2 terlepas, tapi selalu saya beringat juga.

      this comments section shall open to do what you will because i am at my wits ends to explain to you, nicely or harshly.

      oh, spam jual air minyak takleh ye. itu saya confirm takmo. saya kan dah “naik minyak”. tak jadi. nanti sayer nangis.

      send all the hate, saman, nigerian prince, and porn website subscription to 😉 i promise will try my best to read and respond. and i can guarantee on satisfaction on your behalf will surely be achieved and you feel good as if you done the world a good for once.

      have a blessed friday and have a great weekend.

  12. Writer is merely writtng her rather bad experience. This is taken as defamation by some of the commenter here. We are growing into a hyper sensitive community who can’t take feedback , criticism and maybe have a sense of humor; and people are wondering why local comedian are boring. Remember the AirAsia advertisement? They are not saying all nurses are bad, there are bad nurses, there are good nurses as there are bad waiter and good waiter. Heck when I was working as a waiter they can make all the jokes they want about bad waiter and my butt doesnt hurt at all . I’m not saying its a good advertisement, its a bad advertisement with bad joke but the medical community should just give it a haha maybe blehh and move on with life instead of making a big deal of it.

    What KKM and medical community should do is highlight what is wrong in this case and try to improve it. For me in this story it is miscommunication and lack of good education to patient on why is some thing is done in certain way. The doctors are easy to raise their voice and this causes the patient to refuse hearing whatever the doctors have to say. The staff also seem to speak to patient in a patronizing tone, which in turn causes patient to patronize on whatever things doctors and staff do, another case of cause and effect. Caused by lack of basic customer service skill which we Malaysian fail to follow in a lot of sector, not just medical sector.

    • hi clarence,

      you should have joined the ship of thinking how bad I am.

      it’s not a case, it’s a story. my story. not to demeaning everyone. i want to remember what i experienced, to remind myself what i am after the birth.

      i wish some of them read other two connected posts, where i had already said my peace, but they need to vent, they need to vent and threat on one particular post, so i let them.

      this is what they see me as.

      for example:
      Situation: Burger King in S’ban is so slow.

      Situation: Astro call agent named Hidayah is being an ass

      Situation: A Maybank worker named Hidayah stole money from deposit box

      Situation: That kakak from Kedai watson is rude

      make sense?

      maybe the fact I pay so little or nothing, which makes them think “yeah..don’t mengada2. aku cili kang”.

      service is service. we are always on both side of giving and receiving services.

      have a great day to you, and happy weekend! and thank you 🙂

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