meeting with dr. k at ante natal clinic

last week, due to me simply blabbing at the KKIA to the doctor of being suicidal and my heart blood pressure keeps on climbing, i was admitted to Hospital SB, at the emergency birth ward.

i wish  i knew i was talking to a psychiatrist mo who was on duty, so i could keep my mouth shut and tell them what they want to hear.

fast forward to today and i had an appointment. i was late because i slept late. a female doctor in glasses ‘taunted’ me at the ANC that she could have just sent me back. muttering under her breath in english.

i told her “if you want me to go back, i have no problem whatsoever.”

she started to blame the KKIA for setting up the appointment and i told her it was the hospital itself who set it up. and i repeat again i’d be more than happy to ask my husband to drive me back home because at that point of time i was pretty agitated with her lack of professionalism, even after i apologise for being late for the appointment.

i wanted a birth plan of my own. you must have been thinking, why the fuck i want a birth plan in a hospital kerajaan for? because despite the slowness, how ‘full’ the hospital is since everyone from selangor mostly there, i would like to have a little faith that they care.

so i peed in a cup, let them took my blood pressure (144/76) and off i went to see the other doctor who has not gone for lunch yet.

i fell down the stairs few months ago, and my tail bone was still aching. she asked me “how is your back pain?” while just skimming down my prenatal record book.

i told her, it was not a back pain, it’s tail bone pain. back pain, i can stand. tail bone pain, nope.

she asked about pretty standard stuff, and looked at my last appointment, looked over the pre-suicide and pre-eclampsia case that happened last week.

she looks disinterested and keeps on looking around as if i am cutting down her lunch time. maybe i iwas. so again, i apologise and she smiled, insincerely.

when i told her that i have a birth plan and perhaps she could have a look and input some ideas, she looked at it briefly.

dr. k: birth plan? what is this? as far as i have been working here, i have not seen anyone with a birth plan before.

me: it’s birth plan or preferences. a guide for the doc and the patient who is pregnant so both of us can have a smooth process during my time of giving birth here.

roughly it was about how i don’t want to have an iv routine prep during admission, and asked to give birth in any positions that i might have seen fit and comfortable, to be allowed to eat and drink pre-labour, be allowed to go back if it’s less than 4cm dilated, no 4-hourly ctg, no frequent vaginal exam since the baby will come out, no pitocin to induce if there is no danger for me and the baby, no episiotomy unless medically necessary (not to just ‘moving things along/faster’). that sort of thing. it was only two pages long, with 1.5 space with a cover letter.

so yes, it is short.

she told me things as if i were dumb. i told her, i don’t mind not having a room or if the labour rooms are full. my mum was a staff nurse in a govt hospital herself for more than 30 years, i am aware by the process.

but haven’t they thought on change? on improving? on letting more and more people to say that the govt medical facility is at par as any others in other countries?

she said there is no way i can escape the iv prep, and lithotomy is the only position that i can have.

i told her, yes, once i got into 10cm or just about to enter labour room, they can do that, not prior just to make their life easy.

for the lithotomy, i told her i can’t lie down properly and not having extreme pain on my tail bone. i even tried the position back home and ended up in pain.

she gave it back, and didn’t even want to read it to the end.

“you can give it to the doctor at the delivery room”, she said.

i told her, the point of a birth plan being given this early so we can discuss about it. at the moment of birth, the docs at the delivery room might have ignored my pleas and look at it as me being nonsense in between the pain.

for the tailbone pain, she suggested that i took epidural.

“but isn’t the epidural here is only be given to two pregnant women per day and only with serious risk of  complications?”, i asked.

“if you;re lucky, you can”, she told me.

i told her it would be unfair for me to get it if i can give birth naturally (through vagina) and the only difference is i can’t lie down and keep my legs 90 degrees. that does not warrant a ‘risky’ birth.

she repeated again that that is the only practice they have now. my husband asked her “then why you do guys put up a banner that ‘patients are allowed to try any positions they wish?’

she didn’t reply to that but instead told me to let the ob gyn know.

she assured me that all the doctors want the best for the patients, i told her i am pregnant, i am not sick.


we went back, disappointed.

husband told me that if this is the case, and from the way on how she responded to our inquiries, giving birth at a government hospital is either you fight or you flight.

i see it as either you follow our rules, or you can get the fuck out and pay an expensive bill instead elsewhere.

doctors are not paid RM50  a month there. it is not a free clinic that i don’t have to pay anything. the difference is it is cheap. so is cheap equals to all patients are to follow the rules and not able to question on certain things for clarification?

did they not say the doctor’s pledge? i believe they did. do they believe and uphold it? god knows.

if they can’t even advise me on the birth plan, i don’t know what else to respond on other things. can i eat and drink before the second phase of labour? i asked, she didn’t say anything.

so how can i know what to and not to do now?

if this is the type of difficulty i have to bear with, you can be sure that this will be the only pregnancy that i will have indefinitely.

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